Monday, April 2, 2018

It was me!!

Sitting in alone, I was thinking.,
I gained so much, so much..
But suddenly I seen a hollow shadow of my self,
I was shocked, thundered, there was no me left,
It was just a shadow, I was scared..
I just tried to see inside me,

I found I was the world, and whole world was me..
I seen the window of self, it's sad but it's beautiful at same time..

It was me.. It was not me.. All at same time..

Friday, March 23, 2018

में अब भी मुस्कुराती हु..

में अब भी मुस्कुराती हु,
सोच के कुछ ना कुछ हंस ही जाती हु,
मुस्कुराना कोई मजबूरी नहीं है,
प्यार जताना भी जरूरी नहीं है,
दूसरो से तो जीत लेती हु,
अक्सर अपनो से हार जाती हूँ ,

कुछ चीजें मुझे आज भी गुदगुदाती है,
शरारतें तो आज भी उतनी ही आती हैं,
अब भी माँ की डांट, पापा की छाँव में हो आती हूँ.
बस रुक सी गयी हूँ, समझदारी के जंजाल में,
मग़र कभी कभी बचपना भी दिखलाती हूँ,

बचपन के कोई डर अब, सताते नहीं है,
मगर अब जिंदगी के सच, कम डराते नहीं है..

किसी का में प्यार हू, किसी के लिए माँ भी हू,
बहू और बेटी की अदाकारी, खूब निभाती हु,
पर अक्सर अपनो से हार जाती हूँ

रोना मुझे कमजोरी सा क्यू लगता है,
दिल किसी से बांटने में डर सा लगता है,

पर होंसला कम होता नहीं, गिरती हू रोज़,
पर खड़ने से अब डर, लगता नहीं है,

में अब भी मुस्कुराती हु, बस कभी कभी अपनो से हार जाती हूँ..

Monday, January 15, 2018

Maruti Swift Vxi Fuse settings (internal)

Today I faced lot of trouble due to fuse settings in my Swift Vxi 2014 model. I don't want any other guy to face similar issue. Hence posting the internal fuse settings for Swift Vxi 2014.


Hope this will help..

Thanks,

Sandeep Thakur

Monday, December 4, 2017

Pain of isolation by society.. Latent TB infection

I was going to office as usually, getting up in the morning of some good day of January 2008. I brushed up , taken bath and was rushing to get my cab to office from Noida Sector 12/22. After reaching office, I felt some thing like swelling of Neck, that seems to be quite weird and It was ridiculous too though not painful. I went to restroom and seen the mirror and it was confirmed like some thing is wrong with my Neck. I thought it might be tonsils but strange thing it was not paining at all. I felt something suspicious and decided to tell my reporting manager that  I need to go to hometown and I need to test for the issue.
                                             I got the leave and I reached my hometown. I shown it to my parents but they said its alright. Next day morning , I went to a doctor who was residing at nearby colony and was a retired physician. Also He was ENT specialist. He touched my swollen neck and told that it look like a suspicious thing so he suggested to go to a nearby Radhaswami foundation Hospital.
                                            Same day me and my father travelled to the Hospital and it was very nice clean hospital with a very good faculty. Doctor told us that he need to take a bio sample of mine and he want to test for lymph nodes. All these terms were just alien for me. They sucked up flued from my lymph node using a needle. same time the guy who was extracting it told me it can be a dangerous disease . I was worried, like what happened to me , when I was perfectly Ok.
                                                Soon results came up and they told that my results for Lymph nodes infections were positive.I really didn't know what it meant. Doctor told " Sandeep!! You are infected by the passive infection of tuberculin bacteria, and it will take 8-9 months to get well". These words were really scary. As Tuberculin bacteria means TB generally. But he cleared the air a bit, trying to comfort me , he said "India's 98% population have passive Tuberculosis infection." . I was curious, it means I can spread the infection?, he told "No, but you need to get medication and need to get rid of this ASAP".
                                I was already suffering from the depression and I was in great pain. Like why the hell this all is happening to me. I really felt like killing my self, was too sad, feeling too alone.

I went to my room and cried in alone for hours. My thoughts due to depression were too intense , I was feeling like killing my self.
            No one can understand what it feels,My brother in Law comforted me saying like it will heal and no need to worry, but still it was doubts which were grabbing me invisibly.
              Later , I went to hospital and there was a DOT center, where the medicine were provided. Usually the medicine needed to be taken in monitoring of health service providers but as I was working at Delhi and I requested to take medicines with me. Scary 8 tablets in morning. All at once.
         I was also warned that if I didn't took medicines regularly, It will not be treatable. What a scary thought it was!!
          I took medicine and came back to Delhi and joined office back. In office My manager asked me what was the reason of swelling. I replied honestly that I have passive Lymph node infection. Her reaction was really weird. She wanted me to go home and take rest, but I told her that Doctor told me OK to go back. She might have told same to my other managers. They came to meet me to console. But I seen the behavior of everyone changed towards me.
                                                   I was not able to focus on my work as I was fighting the depression and this new unwelcome sickness. But I decided a big step in between. I decided to go to psychiatrist  as I was tired of my sickness from 11 years. I got this depression thing the day when my friends dad  shouted at me. It triggered something in my brain, I became like why....? this happened to me. with time other things around that trigger start to accumulate. I chose to stay in corner of my room, liking darkness. with limited resources , I tried to tell same to my parents, but they didn't understood.
                                      I went to doctor at Noida 12/22, I told him what I am feeling, . He took a test of mine using EEG. This all was weird. Next day I got my result and he told that I am suffering from mild depression. He gave me some medicines and told to take it twice a day. I took and I was feeling really sleepy , after taking those medicines.
            Soon I recovered from Depression and also from Lymph node sickness. I still find it hard to tell anyone like how bad it was but I feel only one thing about other people from suffering from any disease or life threatening conditions - "compassion".
Note:- 

For more information of latent TB infection  please visit :- https://www.tbfacts.org/latent-tb/

Help and guide those , who are suffering , its not infectious. So understand and then respond. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Wish List 2018

Wish List :)